What's the Problem
1/30/2022
I have always found much enjoyment in writing. But the last couple months have been different and I don’t know what the problem is.
Maybe it’s just the stress and chaos of what was the holiday season as well as the kids being in school and all of their extracurricular activities.
Maybe it’s just the overwhelming repetition of regular daily activities that never seem to be completed. And with that, the continual feeling of never being enough.
Maybe it’s just parenting in general. The older kids are getting older and in some ways that makes it easier as they can care for themselves. But it also makes it harder because their problems are bigger and have a much more emotional tug on their fragile selves. They are also starting to feel the pressure from peers to be and act a certain way which can be a very heavy burden to carry. That feeling falls on the parent as well when we see them struggling but can’t find the best way to support them.
Maybe it’s age. I mean, I am getting older too.
Or maybe it’s just life in general. Between all of the responsibilities of parenting, being a wife, taking care of the housework and also everything involved in caring for Holden, it never seems like there’s any room left for creative thought. I find myself more wanting to do an empty meaningless activity, such as a video game, to just not have to think for a while. But then I struggle with the thought that now I’m getting nothing done when all I really wanted to begin with was to relax. I get mad at myself for relaxing, leaving little pleasure in anything else. I always come back to the thought “If I spent the same amount of time that I do “relaxing” actually writing, I could have a lot of blog entries!”
It’s a mental wrestling match, which I guess could be the problem. I myself, have killed the joy I once felt by feeling guilty for not constantly working on the never ending to-do list.
How do you pull yourself out of that hole of guilt? I think of myself as a generally optimistic person that tries to see the brighter side of even the darkest situations. But I have to admit, lately I’ve had a hard time remembering and utilizing coping skills.
I’m not 100% sure “what the problem is”, but my goal always remains to be back here writing and sharing our hurdles with others who can relate to such challenges. Sometimes the greatest gift is to just know we aren’t alone in the struggle.